Burma-Shavings

(Belle)
The roller coaster
Jumped its track
The spill caused me to
Lose my snack
Ritz Crackers

(WW)
Slow down, kids,
I'm not a pup.
I've got old,
And can't keep up.
Geritol

(Belle)
I'm gonna wag
My tail and bark
It means "Please take me
To the park"!
Purina

(WW)
Want it now?
No need to wait.
The stuff you'll love;
The bills you'll hate.
MasterCard

(Firefly)
Chill the glass.
Measure triple sec.
If it spills,
What the heck!
Jose Cuervo Gold

(Firefly)
Crush the ice.
Squeeze the lime.
Add tequila.
It's margarita time!
Jose Cuervo Gold

(Belle)
Figure skating,
Curling, hockey,
Ice is smooth, but
Hills are Rocky
CANADA

(WW)
Care to talk?
Three cents a minute.
Or maybe more
If porn is in it.
Verizon

(Firefly)
Cha cha front.
Swing those hips.
You shouldn't have eaten
All those chips.
ZUMBA

(Firefly)
You watch The Bachelor?
So do I!
All those rejects
Cry and cry and cry.
Kleenex

(Belle)
Your bust size we
Will never tell
Because you wear
Our bra so well!
Victoria's Secret

(WW)
Online's ours.
So's your TV
We've got your phone.
Xfinity.

(Belle)
Our Philly product
Creamed with ease
But how we murdered
Mac 'n' Cheese!
Kraft

(Belle)
If you can't do it
All from scratch
Take our blue box
And fake a batch!
Kraft

(Firefly)
When a relationship
Encounters rough sailing,
It's time for that setting
Involving a railing.
The Bachelor

(Firefly)
Those tempting desserts
What did you think?
The sun did not cause
Your clothing to shrink.
Weight Watchers

 (Firefly)
This miracle drug
Might help your condition.
Possible side effects?
Call your mortician.
Anything Advertised on TV

(Belle)
Self promoting,
Rude and brash--
You may have class
But he has cash.
Donald Trump

(Dreamweaver)
For milk we drive
To Bellingham.
So Costco's lot
Is one huge jam. 
CANADA

(Belle)
Our mission is
To soften your ride
That's why we put all our
Hot air inside!
Firestone

(Dreamweaver)
Sometimes we opt
To market wine.
To join the firm
Jen did decline.
FIRESTONE

(Dreamweaver)
Kraft sells sugar
Water and air.
Kraft mac and cheese
Buyer beware!
Kraft Dinner

(Firefly)
Please don't sing.
It hurts my ears.
Have you had
Too many beers?
Karaoke Responsibly

(Belle)
Pit bull, porker--
Take your pick.
Just don't forget the
Red lipstick!
Sarah Palin

(Belle)
Come up!  See Russia
From my house!
But please don't bring
Your same-sex spouse.
Sarah Palin

(Belle)
If this job's money
Doesn't fit,
I've got no choice;
I must a-quit.
Sarah Palin

(Belle)
This mama grizzly
Growls on cue
'Cause she's got nothing
Else to do!
Sarah Palin

(Belle)
Marathon?
That sounds like fun!
Just turn me on
And watch me run.
John Deere